From: Kemal Gencay (kemalg@superonline.com)
Date: Sun 19 Nov 2000 - 08:33:50 EET
----- Original Message -----
From: "vehbi" <gencay@metu.edu.tr>
To: "Ali Turan" <alituran@damas.com.tr>; "coco" <jskn@pacbell.net>; "Ginty"
<ginty@isp.com>; "Gulnar" <gulnar.smith@db.com>; "huban" <huban.k@usa.net>;
"Kemal Gencay" <kemalg@superonline.com>; "Mary" <memcos@earthlink.net>;
"Serdar Riva" <serdarriva@yahoo.com>; "Yasemin" <n_banar@hotmail.com>
Sent: Sunday, November 19, 2000 8:51 AM
Subject: Satire
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America.
>
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and
> thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
> your
> independence, effective today.
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial
> duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except
> Utah,
> which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt.Hon. Tony
> Blair
> MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
>
> world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without
> the
> need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
> A
> questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
> you
> noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
> following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
> Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide.
> You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
> Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look
> up
> "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with
> filler
> noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient
> form
> of communication. Look up "interspersed".
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
> Microsoft know on your behalf.
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
> accents. It really isn't that hard.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
> actors as the good guys.
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save
> The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want
> you
> to get confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only
> one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a
>
> very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world
> outside
> your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American"
> football.
> You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
>
> football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
> is a
> difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
> play
> rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> armour
> like nancies).
> We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> side by 2005.
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear
> weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not
> aware
> that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves
> lucky.
> The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
> "sh*t".
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will
> be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called
> "Indecisive Day".
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it
> is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand
>
> what we mean.
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation and please leave the light fittings.
>
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